Gary finished work on Friday. Matt and Mindy moved into our house on Sat (they’re living there while we’re away in case you may not know that yet). It’s all starting to happen. The way I see it we’re on Step 3 of our 6-Step countdown to our “Paris Adventure”. Step 4 – the movers will come and take our “stuff” (whatever that is). Step 5 – Gary leaves (2 weeks today) and last, and biggest for me, Step 6 – I leave. 3 Weeks today.

I guess it’s all actually going to happen. It’s a weird feeling to sit and watch and wait for your future to unfold. Some days I feel paralyzed – not sure what to do to help the process along but definitely sure I should be doing something. But while I try and figure out exactly what it surely can’t be bad to sit and watch another episode of Orange is the New Black, can it?

Our homes have never been so clean and organized. I mean seriously. Windrush has been cleaned, sorted and organized within an inch of its life. I even got around to cleaning up the bag of peas that spilled in the freezer about 3 years ago! And all it took was a move overseas to motivate me. Out of my way I’ve got cleaning and organizing to do!

People keep asking me how I “feel” about the move. “Am I excited?” “I’m soooo jealous”, “You must be so excited”. I never know quite what to say in response. “Yes” seems too broad and not entirely accurate in its definitiveness, while “sort of” only results in a tilt of the head and a quizzical look from whomever asks. If I venture further and then try to explain what exactly I mean the eyes glaze over and all comprehension seems lost. Clearly no one can understand how I could be anything less than over the moon to be moving to Paris…the City of Lights…the heartbeat of Europe (and definitely not Paris, Ontario). Few of these people have actually visited Paris, which always makes me wonder what exactly they envision life will be like for us there? So I stick with “Yes”. The truth is more complex.

Yes, of course I’m excited. We’ve visited Paris many times. I know the city reasonably well and have a vague idea what we might expect. It’s a big adventure for Gary and I. It’s a personal challenge I’ve been looking forward to for decades now. Change is good. At the same time, change is hard – as I’ve already discussed. Going to live overseas is significantly different then going to visit for a few days or week or two or even for a month. And, let’s be real, what I’m “leaving behind” (so to speak) is not so shabby: our kids, our home(s), our friends, the Babes, Windrush and a very full life that I’ve worked hard to create and am quite comfortable with. Not to mention the fact that we only moved into our current home 11 months ago!

And for what am I leaving my Canadian life: an, as yet, undefined life in a foreign country where communication will be a challenge, I don’t know a soul, my hair is too short, we have to wait until after 9pm for dinner and I’ve yet to figure out how to properly wear a scarf! So when I tell you “yes” I’m excited, it’s true, but there’s a lot going on behind the scenes of that “yes”, particularly when I’m lying awake at 3am and I realize that my Pema Chodron books have already been packed.